i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
