The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You're like the curious george of whores
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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