He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
