TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
