Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Alive.
So much puke
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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