Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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