i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize