whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
