Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
