Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
