I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
