Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
