I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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