Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
