is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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