I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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