I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
