you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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