i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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