Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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