u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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