All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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