Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
