Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.