woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
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drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
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I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER