Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class

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  (925): This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class http://tfl.nu/1wvn
  Replies (9) Good night (2331) Bad night (611)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.

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  (703): Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U. http://tfl.nu/bimg
  Replies (5) Good night (868) Bad night (494)
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  (858): View more from California

  she takes plan B like it's going out of style

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  (858): she takes plan B like it's going out of style http://tfl.nu/mrnj
  Replies (27) Good night (950) Bad night (3561)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  $1 pitcher night should be outlawed.

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  (859): $1 pitcher night should be outlawed. http://tfl.nu/2dye
  Replies (38) Good night (5342) Bad night (887)
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  (415): View more from California

  the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

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  (415): the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication http://tfl.nu/40rd
  Replies (16) Good night (9237) Bad night (1206)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"

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  (973): My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items" (973): That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic" http://tfl.nu/yk9d
  Replies (13) Good night (4644) Bad night (1096)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.

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  (941): My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways. http://tfl.nu/nnm9
  Replies (19) Good night (6447) Bad night (1258)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.

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  (518): Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy. http://tfl.nu/6ng1
  Replies (5) Good night (3913) Bad night (890)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona

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  (503): still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona http://tfl.nu/3dwf
  Replies (8) Good night (1249) Bad night (2810)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.

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  (405): yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt. http://tfl.nu/yslp
  Replies (6) Good night (1208) Bad night (550)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.

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  (812): Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible. http://tfl.nu/givh
  Replies (3) Good night (474) Bad night (785)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.

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  (785): I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie. http://tfl.nu/su8u
  Replies (6) Good night (1297) Bad night (484)
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  (818): View more from California

  She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.

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  (818): She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink. http://tfl.nu/8b21
  Replies (5) Good night (331) Bad night (695)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.

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  (202): He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today. http://tfl.nu/mcan
  Replies (2) Good night (1115) Bad night (302)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag

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  (318): He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag http://tfl.nu/afmg
  Replies (1) Good night (433) Bad night (341)

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