does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it