And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.