I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
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I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
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If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk