You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?