ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
