i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
