I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
