I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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