Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
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I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
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I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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