btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
