He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
