i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
