How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
