Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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