best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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