I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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