I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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