Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
