my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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