The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
