He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
