you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
