Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
