I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize