I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
