Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize