I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
