nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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