Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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