Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
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it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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