You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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