I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize