he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
