i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
