im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
