I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
