last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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