I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
