And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
