can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
