she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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