I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
