I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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