Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
