At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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