Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
how does that bad decision feel?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
