So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
