I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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