Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i think i have two assholes
im holly from the hills drunk
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
