Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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