im six kinds of drunk right now
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
