i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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